Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
