What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Buhtt sex?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need moral support for this bender
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
