You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
