Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize