Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
