I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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