People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
