is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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