he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
