I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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