You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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