WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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