I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
