I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
