U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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