apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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