called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
