Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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