Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
