You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my liver is dry heaving
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
