oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
