Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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