the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
