you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
