i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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