i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
