best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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