You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
