Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
