no you cant smoke seaweed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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