I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
