But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
