Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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