I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think a kid would responsible me up
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
