im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize