half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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