i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
