Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize