My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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