My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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