im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
