I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
