theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize