I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
