guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
