I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize