is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
