GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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