I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
