are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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