If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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