i already hear my dad disowning me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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