And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
