Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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