He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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