So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
