i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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