can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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