if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I will pee on everything he values.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
