i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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