the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
