it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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