Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize