when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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