I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
