my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ladies don't puke and tell
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