if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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