If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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