How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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