I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
