I got chris browned last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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