With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
