it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize