I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
