I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
