My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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