I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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