The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
