you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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