On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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