I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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