hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
