I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize