seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
