I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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