Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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