My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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