I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
