have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
