he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
