So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
