I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
