Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
