Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
