my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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