i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
