I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
