I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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