I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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