i think my tv is drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
