My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
