I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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