I can tuck mytits in my pants
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
