no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
