I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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