running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize