WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
