i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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